Sometimes, we all crave a little sweetness. And what better way to indulge than with a dessert that has an extra special, irresistible ingredient? This is a recipe for sweet, yeasted donuts that are tossed in sugar and filled with a light vanilla cum cream.

If you are using freshly ejaculated semen, let it sit for 15-20 minutes to liquify before continuing. If frozen, let it fully thaw out into room temperature.

When semen is first ejaculated, it has a thick, gel-like consistency. Over time, it undergoes a process called liquefaction, during which it becomes thinner and more fluid, allowing sperm to move more freely. This transformation typically occurs within 15 to 30 minutes after ejaculation and is driven by enzymes that break down certain proteins in the semen.

• Serves: 9 donuts
• Prep Time: 40 minutes
• Cook Time: 20 minutes
• Chilling time: 11 hours
• Total Time: 12 hours

Ingredients

Instructions

1. Make the Dough: In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a dough hook, combine the yeast and milk. Let it sit for about 1 minute, until the yeast dissolves. Add the flour, sugar, salt, and eggs, and mix on low speed for about 3 minutes, or until the dough begins to come together. Gradually add the butter, two pieces at a time, mixing after each addition until fully incorporated. Continue mixing for 5 to 6 minutes, until the dough is soft and smooth. Remove the dough from the bowl, wrap it tightly in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least 6 hours, or up to 15 hours.

2. Make the Pastry Cream: While the dough chills, prepare the pastry cream. In a small bowl, whisk together the sugar, flour, and salt. In a medium bowl, whisk the egg yolks until fully combined, about 30 seconds. Gradually whisk in the flour mixture until it forms a thick, pasty consistency. In a medium saucepan, heat the milk over medium heat until bubbles begin to form around the edges—be careful not to let it boil.

3. Remove the milk from the heat and gradually pour it into the egg mixture, whisking constantly to prevent curdling. Return the mixture to the saucepan and cook over medium heat, whisking continuously, until it thickens and begins to boil—about 3 minutes. Once boiling, continue whisking for another 10 seconds, until the cream is thick, smooth, and glossy with no foam on top. Immediately remove from the heat.

4. Strain the pastry cream through a fine-mesh sieve into a small bowl, then whisk in the vanilla. Cover the surface directly with plastic wrap to prevent a skin from forming. Refrigerate until fully chilled, at least 4 hours or up to 3 days.

5. Prepare the Donuts: Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and lightly coat it with nonstick cooking spray; set aside. Place the chilled dough on a well-floured surface and gently roll it out into a 12-inch square, about ½ inch thick. Using a 3½-inch round cutter, cut out 9 doughnuts. Arrange them on the prepared baking sheet, then cover with a piece of plastic wrap lightly sprayed with nonstick cooking spray. Let the doughnuts rise in a warm spot until doubled in size and soft and pillowy, about 2 to 3 hours.

6. Fry the Donuts: Pour about 3 inches of oil into a large, heavy-bottomed pot and heat over medium-high until the temperature reaches 350°F on a deep-fry thermometer. While the oil is heating, line a baking sheet with a double layer of paper towels for draining. Place the sugar in a small bowl and set it aside.

7. Working in batches of three, carefully lower the doughnuts into the hot oil and fry until the bottoms are golden brown, about 2 to 3 minutes. Gently flip each doughnut and continue frying for another 2 to 3 minutes, until evenly golden on both sides. Using a slotted spoon or spider strainer, transfer the doughnuts to the paper towel–lined baking sheet to drain. Repeat with the remaining doughnuts.

8. Once the doughnuts are cool enough to handle, roll them in the sugar one at a time until evenly coated. Place them back on the paper towel–lined pan and let them cool completely, about 30 to 40 minutes.

9. Fill the Donuts: While the doughnuts cool, beat the 6 tablespoons of heavy cream and the 2 tablespoons of semen on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form. Whisk the chilled pastry cream to loosen it, then gently fold in one-third of the whipped cream. Continue folding in the remaining whipped cream until the mixture is smooth and no white streaks remain.

10. Spoon the cream into a pastry bag fitted with a small round tip (a Wilton #12 works well). Poke a small hole in the side of each doughnut and pipe in the pastry cream. Serve the doughnuts immediately after filling, as they are best enjoyed the same day they are made.